My Brief Take On The Oscars 2010

I have a love/hate relationship with the Oscars-ahem, Academy Awards. I'm either like "OMG! Biggest Night of The Year!!" or, "who fucking cares about the fucking Oscars anyway...those stupid rich bitches...". But right now I'm on an Oscar-high, so there won't but too much hatin' going on...maybe...we'll see.

It is a good nigh fashion-wise, it's fun to admire and criticize all the beautiful rich people's clothes. My problem is that it's usually not a night to stick it to the man: hardly any women wear pants-I love you, Jane Fonda (above, after party?) and btw, i love the cute belt and boy!- and the most you get out of the menz is like, a bow tie. Which I know I should support, but now they just remind me of this incident (serious, Chris? When you're apologizing you don't take any fashion risks, it just makes you look like a shitty car salesman). One of my dreams is to see a man wear a dress to Oscars (I'm sure it's happened...), but not have be that a big deal. I wish men would just wear dresses in general...Gah! Fuck you, gender roles!

For Best Actress, I was torn between Meryl Streep and Gabourey Sidibe. I thought, "Oh, win-win, two of my favorite actors". But secretly, I kind of wanted Gabby to win more (don't tell Meryl!!) because everyone knows that Meryl is the shit and I felt that Gabby needed to be recognized for her amazing acting, and plus everyone knows Meryl wouldn't win because the Academy loves fucking with her ("heeeyy, Meryl, you a great actor....maybe you'll get the award...SYKE!!! SUCKA!!!!"... and yes thats how the Academy speaks in my mind).

But seriously? Fuckin Sandra Bullock?? For being in White Man's Burden: The Movie??

Maybe they wanted to be all ironic because she won a Razzie and oh...that's so fucking funny....

The Razzies are always awkward when the winners show up because they try to laugh it off and the World is like..."it ain't funny. You suck". I mean, some people say like "oh, it's good they can make fun of themself," but it's like, they only do it to like save face, like Bush joking about invading Iraq, or Heidi Montag joking about her plastic surgery. Ok, making a bad movie is not as bad as wrongly starting a war, but you get the idea: it's kind of joking about things that you fucked up on, but not like a normal person fuck-up, a "make-a-really-really-shitty-movie-and-suck-billions-of-dollars-out-of-innocent-peoples'-wallets-just-so-I-don't-have-to-work" fuck-up. It's when people make jokes about hurting other peoples' lives that it kind of rubs me the wrong way, and Heidi Montag can do whatever she wants but she still is hurting people because she's promoting an unrealistic body standard for women. *Mini Feminist Rant*

My only thought as to why they didn't have Gabby win was maybe they ain't want to have Precious win everything, but Lee Daniels didn't win Best Director- Katherine Bigelow did, (YAY!) I was torn between the two...it was a trade off: the White Men Who Control Fucking Everything said, "black man, you have the presidency, white woman, you may have the Oscar (sorry, another feminist rant, but i cut it short).

Gabby Sidibe was the most badass of the night, she told Gerard Bulter she'd "hit that," photobombed Jake Gyllenhaal, and rocked it everywhere she went before and after-"it's like I'm Usher!" She said ("You know you blew up when the women rush your stands, try to touch your hands, like some screamin' Usher fans"). You are like Usher, girl.

And there was all that Lady Kanye shit. Lolz. But seriously people, learn. That mic ain't come for free, you gotta protect that shit! Don't just let people take it! As a parent (not really), I objected to Taylor Swift: what message is she sending our girls?! Just let people silence you? Hellz no! If I had children, I'd be like "if someone tries to take the microphone while you talkin, you say 'OH HELL NO, HEALLLL NO! You can fuckin' wait, punk! I'm speakin'!'".

Not that many suprises, Mo'Nique (Yay! Yay! Yay!) Jeff Bridges, The Hurt Locker, and not that much Avatar (weird)!!

There were a lot of other awards. But, as you can see, I didn't care about any of them. So... I'm done here.

Ew. And Why?

Ugh. Have you seen this shit?

DISCLAIMER: I am a known and registered Rom-Com-Hater, and unless it had Freddie Prinze Jr. and there's lots of food, I will usually not watch them. I do like chick-flicks though, a lot, and yes, there is a difference. I like movies focused on girl's/women's lives, which may or may involve romance (eh.) and corniness (for me, this is usually a must-have). Movies like Princess Diaries, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Josie and the Pussycats, I consider awesome chick-flicks and I am unashamed!

As you could probably guess, I was disgusted to hear my jam, Psycho Killer, in the background of this stupid, stereotype-filled, Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl vehicle. Oh! A Lonely Single Woman meats her dream man! Yayyy! But little does she know.... HE'S A FUCKIN' SECRET AGENT!!!! HAHA! I know, I know, crazy, right! Let hilarity ensue! No one has ever seen anything like this before! ...I was going to make a list of how many times we have seen this before, but it got way to long.... so I guess I'll stop shitting on this movie, no one is making me see it, let people who like that type of shit see it... but i hate Katherine Heigl! And The Ugly Truth was the worst movie ever! And Ashton Kutcher has done nothing of value in his entire career except That '70s Show. OK. I'm done (but you know it's true - everything besides that show sucked).

But really- why did those dumb asses have to steal my song!

This reminds me of a past heart-break over favorite songs in commercials....

Why Rilo Kiley?! It must be some kind of mistake! Seriously- do I have to count all the offences?

1. It's a Commercial

2. For Meat

3. With A Girl from "The Hills"

4. And Objectification of Women

5. And Stupid Ideas About Body Image

.....I could come up with more if i wanted to... I guess it is kinda ironic-cool, because of the meaning of the song, but whatever, I still prefer not hearing my beloved Rilo Kiley attached to a close-up of Audrina Patridge's ass.

Y'all get the acoustic version-which is actually really cool- because that bitch-ass Warner Brother Records won't let you embed the official one, but I feel kind of bad because the original included porn stars and the such and putting in this one makes it seem like I'm trying to make this song into just a little, innocent, indie jam, which it is not, it is kind of dark and suggestive, but I still don't believe it involves Audrina Patridge's ass.

I guess all this just goes to the larger question about the relationship of art and commercialism and marketing, and i guess, in general, just how we are a consumer/advertising (or just capitalist) culture and how ads are basically everywhere and diluted into all aspects of our life, and what that means and how (or if) it changes the value of art

And of course there is the kind of Andy Warhol aspect of it, that commercialism/consumerism is vain and empty, but kind of beautiful, so own it and see the art within it...i don't know... but I kind of feel like Tom Waits, "If Micheal Jackson wants to work for Pepsi, why doesn't he just get himself a suit and an office in their headquarters and be done with it?" as if we needed more proof that Tom Waits is the best artist ever.

...Sorry for all the run-on sentences and ellipses, I have a serious problem.