My Brief Take On The Oscars 2010

I have a love/hate relationship with the Oscars-ahem, Academy Awards. I'm either like "OMG! Biggest Night of The Year!!" or, "who fucking cares about the fucking Oscars anyway...those stupid rich bitches...". But right now I'm on an Oscar-high, so there won't but too much hatin' going on...maybe...we'll see.

It is a good nigh fashion-wise, it's fun to admire and criticize all the beautiful rich people's clothes. My problem is that it's usually not a night to stick it to the man: hardly any women wear pants-I love you, Jane Fonda (above, after party?) and btw, i love the cute belt and boy!- and the most you get out of the menz is like, a bow tie. Which I know I should support, but now they just remind me of this incident (serious, Chris? When you're apologizing you don't take any fashion risks, it just makes you look like a shitty car salesman). One of my dreams is to see a man wear a dress to Oscars (I'm sure it's happened...), but not have be that a big deal. I wish men would just wear dresses in general...Gah! Fuck you, gender roles!

For Best Actress, I was torn between Meryl Streep and Gabourey Sidibe. I thought, "Oh, win-win, two of my favorite actors". But secretly, I kind of wanted Gabby to win more (don't tell Meryl!!) because everyone knows that Meryl is the shit and I felt that Gabby needed to be recognized for her amazing acting, and plus everyone knows Meryl wouldn't win because the Academy loves fucking with her ("heeeyy, Meryl, you a great actor....maybe you'll get the award...SYKE!!! SUCKA!!!!"... and yes thats how the Academy speaks in my mind).

But seriously? Fuckin Sandra Bullock?? For being in White Man's Burden: The Movie??

Maybe they wanted to be all ironic because she won a Razzie and oh...that's so fucking funny....

The Razzies are always awkward when the winners show up because they try to laugh it off and the World is like..."it ain't funny. You suck". I mean, some people say like "oh, it's good they can make fun of themself," but it's like, they only do it to like save face, like Bush joking about invading Iraq, or Heidi Montag joking about her plastic surgery. Ok, making a bad movie is not as bad as wrongly starting a war, but you get the idea: it's kind of joking about things that you fucked up on, but not like a normal person fuck-up, a "make-a-really-really-shitty-movie-and-suck-billions-of-dollars-out-of-innocent-peoples'-wallets-just-so-I-don't-have-to-work" fuck-up. It's when people make jokes about hurting other peoples' lives that it kind of rubs me the wrong way, and Heidi Montag can do whatever she wants but she still is hurting people because she's promoting an unrealistic body standard for women. *Mini Feminist Rant*

My only thought as to why they didn't have Gabby win was maybe they ain't want to have Precious win everything, but Lee Daniels didn't win Best Director- Katherine Bigelow did, (YAY!) I was torn between the two...it was a trade off: the White Men Who Control Fucking Everything said, "black man, you have the presidency, white woman, you may have the Oscar (sorry, another feminist rant, but i cut it short).

Gabby Sidibe was the most badass of the night, she told Gerard Bulter she'd "hit that," photobombed Jake Gyllenhaal, and rocked it everywhere she went before and after-"it's like I'm Usher!" She said ("You know you blew up when the women rush your stands, try to touch your hands, like some screamin' Usher fans"). You are like Usher, girl.

And there was all that Lady Kanye shit. Lolz. But seriously people, learn. That mic ain't come for free, you gotta protect that shit! Don't just let people take it! As a parent (not really), I objected to Taylor Swift: what message is she sending our girls?! Just let people silence you? Hellz no! If I had children, I'd be like "if someone tries to take the microphone while you talkin, you say 'OH HELL NO, HEALLLL NO! You can fuckin' wait, punk! I'm speakin'!'".

Not that many suprises, Mo'Nique (Yay! Yay! Yay!) Jeff Bridges, The Hurt Locker, and not that much Avatar (weird)!!

There were a lot of other awards. But, as you can see, I didn't care about any of them. So... I'm done here.